I hate looking in the mirror sometimes.  I hate how gender dysphoria makes me feel.  Before i transitioned i used to feel "uncomfortable in my own skin."  I feel far more comfortable in my skin, now that i've transitioned, but i'm not sure if i feel totally comfortable in my mind - in my gendered mind - that nerve cluster in the brain that controls gender - that nerve cluster whose impulses i was brutally forced and taught to ignore, and that i then willfully, brutally, forcefully ignored all my life.  That nerve cluster i wish i could just access, and let all the stored information on how to inhabit my true gender to just flow thru me, so i can completely embody the woman i know deep down i truly am.  That woman i've been so afraid of for so long, and now, all i want, is to find her, BE her - the poor girl who grew up in a box, buried in the ground.  She's finally let out, and blinking from the pain of the sun in her eyes.  Her butterfly wings are crumpled and moldy.  Will she ever fly?  It's that thought - that question - that keeps my soul tethered to my body.  

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